


Everything is Falling Apart

by peggyrose19



Category: Coast to Coast - lumosinlove, Sweater Weather - Lumosinlove
Genre: Angst, Clandestine, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Multi, Past Character Death, Sad Logan, Sorry Not Sorry, brad - Freeform, coast to coast - lumosinlove - Freeform, painful memories, spy boys, sweater weather - lumosinlove - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggyrose19/pseuds/peggyrose19
Summary: The O'Knutzy angst so highly requested. This is for you, Peanut. Set in the Clandestine AU. If you're unfamiliar, see heyitssmiler over on tumblr. Basically the SW crew are all spies and at some point in the story, Leo is going to get shot and possibly die. We have all been panicking over this. So of course I wrote an angst fic about it :)It's been a month since Leo died and Finn and Logan are trying to move on with their lives. But will they be able to? What happens to them when their glue is suddenly gone forever?
Relationships: Leo Knut/Logan Tremblay/Finn O'Hara
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> O’Knutzy angst, here we go. And because I can’t bear to hurt the SW boys, nor do I feel like coming up with a valid argument for them to have, this is taking place in the Clandestine universe after Leo dies (I know, I know). I’m so sorry for this (not really). Leave a comment and I'll love you forever <3

It had been a month, since Leo’s death.

A month of silent mornings and bowls of dry cereal, boxes of takeout and piles of dirty laundry. A month of sleepless nights and joyless days. A month of Finn and Logan treading on glass around each other, terrified the other would break, terrified they both would break.

“Hey, Lo,” Finn said quietly, keys jangling as he set them down. He toed out of his sneakers and pushed back his sweaty hair. “I’m gonna shower. What do you want for dinner, we can order now real quick.”

Logan just shrugged, looking up from where he was watching television on the couch. “I’m fine with whatever.”

Finn sighed internally. “Alright. I’m gonna order pizza then. You want your usual?”

“Sounds good,” came the distant reply.

After placing the order, Finn headed to the bathroom, stripping quickly and stepping under the water. It burned, but he did nothing to lower the temperature. He just stood there, welcoming the pain and heat on his sore body.

It wasn’t getting any better.

Each morning he woke up and remembered all over again. Remembered why he hadn’t slept well, why the apartment felt empty. Why his heart felt empty.

Logan slipped from his fingers with each minute. He didn’t smile anymore, didn’t joke or laugh. He didn’t kiss Finn goodnight anymore, or tell him he loved him when they woke in the mornings. He sat on the couch, staring at the television, and slipping more and more out of Finn’s grasp.

He didn’t know what to do.

Everything was falling apart.

Finn tipped his face up to the water, letting it mingle with the salt of his tears. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this.

Twenty minutes later, after Finn had calmed his tears and dried off, pulling on sweatpants and a t-shirt, he headed back into the living room. Logan hadn’t moved. Cautiously, he sat down next to him.

“Lo?” he asked questioningly. “Can we talk?”

Logan hesitated, but reached forward and switched off the tv. He didn’t look at him. “What’s up?”

“I-” Finn swallowed, mouth dry. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.”

“I know. But, you’re not. Not really. We don’t talk anymore, or do anything together. You don’t even say goodnight anymore. And I miss it. I miss us. I need that back. Please, Lo… I can’t lose you too.”

Logan didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then he turned and looked right at Finn. His gaze was hard.

“Finn.” His voice broke.

“Oh, love.” Finn reached out and cupped his cheek. “It’s okay.”

Logan collapsed into his arms, burying his face in Finn’s chest.

“I miss him so much,” he sobbed. “And I don’t- I don’t know how to deal with it all. We loved him. _I_ loved him, so much. And now he’s gone.” Finn squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back tears. Logan shook in his arms. He whispered, “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” Finn’s heart broke even more.

“I know. But he’d want us to keep going, I know he would.”

“What if we can’t?” Logan pulled back to look at Finn. “What if we can’t? Finn, I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything reminds me of him. Even you.”

Finn ducked his head as a fresh wave of tears overtook him. “Don’t say that Tremz,” he choked out. “Please.”

“Then what do you want me to say?” Logan nearly shouted, startling him. “It fucking hurts, okay? I look at you and all I see is him. I look around this room, this whole fucking apartment, and everything reminds me of him. Reminds me that he’s not here anymore.”

“Logan…” Finn reached out, but Logan had already pulled away, standing up and stepping away from the couch.

“I’m going to bed,” he mumbled, and disappeared down the hall. Finn heard his door click shut a moment later.

Everything was falling apart.

Finn had spent the past hour pacing the living room as the sun went down. He didn’t bother with lights as the room gradually fell into shadow. Finally, he got tired of it. Hesitantly, he knocked on Logan’s door. There was no answer. Light peeked out from the edges of the door frame, and Finn took that as a sign Logan was still awake.

He pushed the door open cautiously, surveying the room. Logan sat on the edge of his bed, head in his hands.

“Logan?” For a long time, neither of them said anything. Then Logan twisted a bit, glancing quickly at Finn before looking back at the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For yelling. You didn’t deserve that.” 

“It’s okay.” With silent feet, Finn crossed the room and sat down next to him.

“You’re forgiven.”

Logan glanced sideways at him. “Were you even mad at me to begin with?”

“No.” Logan smiled a little at that. “Just worried.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You said.”

“I know. But this time I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Finn smiled a little sadly. “I’m always gonna worry about you, Lo, you know that.”

“Yeah.” They didn’t talk for a long moment, silence filling the room. It was always silent these days.

“Logan?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you kiss me?”

Logan’s face was curiously blank as he looked over at Finn. Finally, he nodded. Finn placed a soft hand on his cheek, pressing their foreheads together.

“Baby,” he whispered. Logan sank into him and brought their lips together. He kissed Finn softly, as if he was afraid they would both break if he pressed too hard. His fingers dug into his hip, tugging him closer. Finn’s hands tangled in Logan’s curls. When they parted, Logan was panting slightly, cheeks flushed.

“Finn,” Logan began hesitantly. “Finn, I don’t… _Je ne pense pas que je puisse faire ça_.”

“I don’t know French, love.”

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he whispered. “It’s just- it’s too hard without him. He was our glue, he held us together. I don’t…” he trailed off, voice breaking.

Finn felt numb as he stared at Logan. It felt as though the ground had been pulled from under his feet. But what hurt the most was that he wasn’t surprised. He had seen this coming, if he was being honest with himself. But now it felt like everything was truly falling apart in pieces around them.

“Please don’t leave.” It was the only thing he could think to say.

“I can’t stay here anymore, Finn.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

They didn’t speak for the rest of the night.

When Finn woke the next morning, he was in Logan’s bed. He didn’t move for a moment, feeling the weight of the blankets hold him down. He glanced over and noticed Logan still asleep beside him, hair a mess and drool on his cheek. Finn sighed heavily.

It stirred Logan, the world’s lightest sleeper, and he sat up a bit, rubbing his eyes. “ _Quoi_?” he asked, voice rough from sleep. His cheek was flushed and lined from where it had been pressed into his pillow.

“Nothing, Tremz, go back to sleep,” Finn said gently.

Logan sat up, squinting at him. “Something wrong?”

“Not at all, love. Go back to sleep.”

“You okay?”

“You’re leaving, Lo!” Finn shouted. “Of course I’m not okay.”

“How did you-” Finn gave him a look before he even finished. “Yeah, okay.”

Finn sighed heavily, tears sparking his eyes. “It’s just, I kept hoping. I kept hoping that if I pretended, if I believed it enough, we would be okay. We would get through this and find a new normal and be okay. But that’s not going to happen, is it? And I think I knew that. But I kept hoping anyway.”

“Me too.”

He smiled sadly. “We both knew it was coming, didn’t we.” It wasn’t even a question. They’d both known they wouldn’t last the moment the shock wore off and they returned alone to their apartment.

“I’m always gonna love you, you know that, right?” Logan asked. He grabbed Finn’s hand.

“I know. I’m always gonna love you too.”

That night, Logan began packing up his stuff.

A week later, he was gone.

A week after that, Finn was gone too.

Everything is falling apart.

Both of them quit the Lions. Finn moves home. Logan travels. He isn’t heard from for over a year. Finn misses him. With heavy hearts and broken souls, they slowly begin to move on. Begin to smile again, go out with friends. Beneath the masks, tears form in their eyes, falling only behind closed doors.

They reach the one year mark.

Everything is falling apart.


	2. 2

Logan missed him. He tried and tried to ignore the feeling but he did. Finn was constantly on his mind, with his soft hair and green eyes and loving smile. He missed Leo too. But that was a different pain. The kind of pain that never left. The kind of pain that stuck in his mind when he closed his eyes at night, curly hair stained with blood, brown eyes wide and unblinking flashing past his eyes. 

He was in Australia for Leo’s birthday. It was warm there, the seasons opposite to what he was used to. He woke up and found he couldn’t get out of bed. He just lay there and thought about blond curls and dimples and a laugh he’d never hear again. When his tears had soaked through the pillow, he rolled over and tossed it off the bed, falling into an uneasy sleep until morning. 

He was in England for Finn’s birthday. It rained the whole day and he sat unmoving by the window, phone in his hand, thinking of his wide smile and bright eyes and the absence of both the day they’d said goodbye. He couldn’t bring himself to dial the number.

He would have forgotten about his own birthday was it not five days before Christmas. And if his sisters hadn’t bombarded him with messages and questions of when he would be home again. He called them all, faking a smile for them, and promised to be home for Christmas next year. But he had a feeling they saw right through him. 

Everything was falling apart. 

  
  


The night Logan flew into JFK airport, he received a voicemail from Finn. It surprised him; Finn had given up contacting him months ago after too many messages had gone unanswered. He pulled it up, pressing play absentmindedly, knowing he wasn’t going to reply, telling himself he was listening to it only to know what he’d said. 

But this time something in Finn’s voice pulled him up short. 

_ Hey Lo. I miss you.  _

_ It’s been a year since… well. But you know that of course.  _

_ I just- I know you’re in New York. Don’t tell me you’re not, we both know it’d be a lie. Can I- can we… I want to see you. Please. It’s been so long. Just… give me a call when you land. Or don’t. Whatever. I just- we need to talk.  _

_ I love you. _

Logan stood frozen, unaware of the world, everything falling apart around him. The people rushing around him, an announcement being made, the whir of the baggage claim starting up all went by unnoticed. He just stood, staring down at his phone, at the voicemail and the name Finn O’Hara beside it. Finn’s words rang through his head. That was not what he had been expecting. 

With shaking hands, he dialed the number.

Finn answered on the first ring.

“Hello?” his voice asked, uncertain and quiet and as familiar to Logan as the green of his eyes, ingrained forever in his mind. Unthinkingly, Logan released a soft sigh. 

“Hey, Finn,” he said quietly. 

“It’s really you.” 

He took a shaky breath. “Yeah.” 

“I didn’t think you’d call.”

“Me neither. But your voicemail… fuck, Finn. I- yeah, I’d love to see you.” 

“You would?” Finn’s voice rose.

“Yeah. I miss you.” 

“Coffee tomorrow?”

Logan forced his nerves down, refusing to get his hopes up about anything. “Sounds good.”

He could almost hear Finn’s smirk as he added, “Or whatever the fuck it is you drink. Cause it certainly isn’t coffee.”

“Fuck off,” Logan let out a startled laugh. 

Finn laughed a little too. “So, tomorrow. Does 9:00 work? And there’s a cafe just down the street from my place if you wanna go there. I can send you the address.”

“Sounds good,” Logan managed, voice tight. 

“Alright. I’ll see you then Tremz. Don’t bail on me.” He said it jokingly but they both heard the truth beneath it. 

“I won’t,” he promised softly. 

Finn hung up with a soft click and Logan stood rooted to the spot. 

He wasn’t sure what to think. Finn had called him. He had called Finn. And Finn had answered. They’d talked. They’d made plans. After a year of not speaking, of not seeing each other, not even being in the same time zone, they were going to coffee tomorrow. 

He wasn’t sure he was even going to make it there.

But he had promised. He had promised Finn he would show up and so he would.

He would not fall apart. 

Logan woke the next morning having slept a total of two hours. Each time he drifted off, his thoughts betrayed him again, turning back to his date with Finn over and over until he wanted to reach into his mind and pull them out simply for a moment of peace. 

He dressed anxiously, changing half a dozen times before forcing himself to stop. For the next hour, he paced the small hotel room, television playing in the background, running his hands through his hair, never quite able to break the habit. 

Finn had texted him the address the night before. It was only a ten minute walk and so, at promptly 8:45, Logan left the hotel and hurried down the street, following the blue line on his phone. 

It took him only seven minutes to get there. He loitered outside for a moment, watching the city. The streets were crowded like always, cars and pedestrians all trying to get somewhere in a hurry. An old conversation passed through his mind as he waited, a night out with Finn and Leo before they’d gotten together.

_ “Should we have gone left?” _

_ “We’re literally following the blue line.” _

_ “I know, but that way looks shorter.” _

_ “New Yorker, forever in a hurry.” _

The conversation brought the sting that normally accompanied thoughts of Leo. But it faded a bit as he remembered that night, Leo asking them questions about their histories, how they’d met. Neither of them had told the true story of how they’d met, that night at the party, both drunk and flirty and not quite thinking straight ( _ hah _ ). He remembered Leo’s smile, the dimples he’d fallen in love with the first time he’d ever seen them. He remembered Finn’s bright smile and care-free attitude, getting sappy and losing coherent speech with each drink he consumed. And he wished, just for a moment, he could go back to that night.

A hand on his shoulder shook him from his thoughts. He startled, whipping around on instinct. But as soon as he caught sight of the person now in front of him, he froze.

Finn looked nearly the same as he had a year ago. His curls were unruly as ever, falling around his eyes, just a little bit longer. His eyes were dimmer, more subdued than they usually were. No smile graced his face, but he wasn’t frowning. 

“Hi,” Finn said softly and Logan nearly melted. 

“Finn.” Without a second thought, Logan crashed into his arms. 

Finn held him close and it was as if no time had passed at all. Their bodies molded together the way they always did, and the feeling of  _ home _ nearly made Logan cry. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed physical contact until suddenly he was being held again, for the first time in probably a year. Without a word, he buried his face in Finn’s shoulder, hair brushing his cheek. 

“I missed you so fucking much,” Finn whispered fiercely into his ear. He pulled away, but kept his arms around Logan, as if afraid he would run if he let go. 

“Me too.” He sniffed, telling himself it was just the cold air making his eyes water. 

“C’mon, let’s go inside. I have so much to fill you in on.” 

They went into the café, charming and small, and got in line, Finn asking Logan question after question about where he’d travelled and what he’d seen. They skirted around the reason he’d left, pretending it had all just been a long vacation. They ordered and sat down, Finn only teasing him a bit about his ridiculously sweet coffee, before continuing his questions.

It was only after they’d exhausted talk of Logan’s travels that silence fell between them.

“I wish Leo was here,” Finn said eventually. 

“Me too.”

“He could’ve made us those amazing muffins of his, remember those?”

Logan smiled. “Yeah. Brought ‘em in our first day of the mission.  _ Mon dieu _ , those were good.”

“Yeah, they were,” he agreed.

“How have you been?” Logan asked Finn. “And tell me the truth. You’ve been bombarding me with questions since we got here. I don’t even know what you’ve been up to.” 

Finn sighed. “It’s been really fucking hard. That’s the truth. Because not only did I lose Leo, then I lost you too. And you don’t- you never answered my calls or my messages. I  _ needed _ to talk to you and you wouldn’t pick up. I had to go through that without you. You were the only other person who knew how I felt, and we could’ve helped each other. But you refused to even look at me, and-” Finn shrugged helplessly- “I’ve tried really hard to forgive you, Lo. But I’m not sure I can. You haven’t made it easy to love you.” 

“You still love me?”

“Of course I fucking love you! I never stopped!”

Logan was taken aback by the outburst. He glanced furtively around the room to see if anyone was looking at them, but no one even glanced their way. Finn noticed and sighed.

“Logan, I don’t want to go another year without talking to you. It was torture. I know… I know that we can’t be  _ us _ again, not the way we used to be, not without Leo. But can we at least be friends? Tremz, I miss my best friend. Please. Don’t walk away from me again.” 

Silence fell between them and Logan surveyed the man before him. The man he’d once loved with all his heart, vowed to himself to never let go, to protect and love and cherish. That had been a year ago. A lot had changed in that year. 

As Finn waited for his answer with bated breath, Logan realized he didn’t want to run anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3! I’m trying to not make this as angsty and give it a maybe happy ending? But as mentioned I have no control over these characters, I let them do what they want. Also straight up don’t realize how painful my writing is until people tell me so. There’s that. Moving on. This whole thing ended up a lot longer than I ever intended it to be, but I’m not mad about it. Writing angst is fun. All of your wails and cursings of my name have been quite amusing to me. Am I a horrible person for that? It’s possible. Whatever. Hopefully this will be the last part, at least I’m intending it to be. If it’s not I’m mildly afraid Hannah will kill me. She says I need to go back to writing fluff instead. I guess she doesn’t enjoy having her heart destroyed. *shrug* love you Fishy!   
> Also, can you tell I’m not from New York? I’ve been a handful of times, so I did my best. No, I did absolutely no research since most of this was written in bed when I was supposed to be sleeping or during class when I was supposed to be paying attention.  
> Thanks for reading!! Love you guys.

“Logan?”

The voice shook him from his thoughts. 

“Yes,” he blurted out. Finn frowned. “I mean no. Yeah, no. Wait, fuck- argh.” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “I mean, I won’t run away from you, not this time. You’re right, that was… that was not good of me to do.” He ran a hand through his hair, searching for what to say. “ _ Merde _ , I didn’t think it’d be this hard.”

“Lo.” Finn reached across the table and laid a hand over Logan’s. “It’s okay, really.”  
He sighed. “No, it’s not. I hurt you. Badly. And I’m really sorry for that. You- you didn’t deserve that.” 

“It’s alright. I hurt you too, I know I did.”

“Finn, no you didn’t.” Logan shook his head. “You were nothing but good to me, and I just left. I left you in that apartment with all of Leo’s things still there and all those memories of us, of  _ him _ . I left. And you might have forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself for that.” 

Finn bit his lip, unsure how to respond. 

“It was really hard,” he admitted finally. 

“What did you do with all his stuff?”

“It’s in a storage locker. I couldn’t bear to go through it all.”

“D’you-” Logan stopped himself. 

“What?”

“Do you think we could go through it together? I just… I don’t have anything of Leo’s anymore. And I don’t want to forget him. Please?”

Finn took a shaky breath. “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.” 

“Okay. Thank you.”

“You really mean it? That you’ll stay this time? Because I really want that.”

“Yeah. I mean it.” 

It was a few days before Logan saw Finn again. He spent his time wandering New York City, exploring the place Finn had grown up. It was fascinating to imagine him as a little boy with his bright hair, scurrying about the city with his older brother, causing mischief and giving his parents brain aneurysms. 

When Finn called him, it was Wednesday afternoon and he was in his hotel room, staring aimlessly at the television.

“Hey.” 

Logan swallowed. “Hey.” 

“So, uh, I’ve got some time tomorrow, if you wanna, you know… “

“For the storage locker?”

“Yeah, that. Um, I can meet you there or we can head over together. Best way to get there is by train.”

“I-” Logan thought for a moment of all the things he hadn’t gotten to say yet. “I’ll go with you, if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Okay. Good. I’ll uh, I’ll send you the details tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll uh, I’ll see you then, I guess.” 

“See you.” 

After Finn had ended the call, Logan sat for a long time. It had been like this every time they talked, a strange feeling of the past, present, and future all colliding together into one. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. 

When Logan reached the train station the next day, Finn was there waiting for him, glasses perched on his nose. He stopped for a moment as images flashed through his mind. Finn peering over his shoulder at the mission outline, glasses slipping down his nose. Logan reaching up and pushing them back on. Finn taking his contacts out at the end of each long day, blinking away the dryness in his eyes. Late nights with the three of them sprawled on the couch, all tangled limbs and soft kisses as they relaxed into each other, knowing they were home. 

Logan blinked back to reality. That was the past, he told himself firmly. It would do no good to dwell over something that couldn’t happen again. Shaking his head at himself, Logan crossed to Finn, coming to a halt at his side.

“Hi.” 

Finn jumped a bit. “Hey. You snuck up on me.”

“What kind of spy are you, if you’re that easy to scare?”

“Excuse you, I am an excellent spy. I’ll have you know I won Brad three years in a row.” 

Logan laughed. “How could I forget. You still have it?”

Finn looked affronted. “Of course I do! What kind of question is that?”  
“Oh, sorry. Of course you do, why did I think otherwise?”

Fin was saved from having to respond by the loud horn of a train as it approached the station. It came to a stop with a hiss and the doors opened. 

“This is us,” Finn said, and they boarded, finding seats together near the back. It was quieter there, with fewer people.

They didn’t talk the whole way there. Logan sat in silence, searching for something to say, but he came up with nothing. What does one say to the boy they used to love? 

When they reached their stop, nerves suddenly bloomed in Logan’s chest. He hadn’t really thought too hard about what they were doing, more focused on Finn sitting beside him. But as they walked the few short blocks to the storage facility, his stomach began to churn. The building loomed before them, making Logan’s heart race.

“I-” He froze. Finn glanced back at him.

“Hey, Lo,” he said gently, walking back and grabbing his hand. “The moment you want to leave, we will. It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you.” 

Logan took a deep breath. Finn always seemed to know what to say. He looked up at Finn’s worried eyes and gave him a small nod. Still holding hands, the two entered the building. 

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” Finn said quietly as they stood before the opened door of the storage unit. Logan clung to his hand. 

As one, they stepped inside. 

Finn grabbed the first box and tugged it open, Logan still at his side. 

“This should have his clothing,” he said, reading the label on the inside flap. He was right; inside were piles of Leo’s old shirts and sweatpants, a few pairs of jeans, some hoodies. Logan pulled out a sweatshirt, soft and faded, one from Leo’s high school, his favorite. He pressed it to his face.

“It doesn’t smell like him anymore,” he murmured. Finn didn’t say anything. He moved onto another box. Logan pulled Leo’s sweatshirt over his head. It went down to his knees. 

“Look at this,” Finn said, looking into the box he’d just opened. Inside were stacks of pictures. 

“You didn’t keep these?” Logan asked, pulling one out. It was the three of them in the park by their apartment, bundled against the cold and leaning into each other, taken by a kind passer-by. The picture had sat on the mantel. Logan had looked at it every day and thought about how lucky he was. 

“No. They just made me sad.” Finn pulled out an envelope, full of unframed photographs. He laughed a little as he began sorting through them. “Remember this?”

In his hand was a series of mugshots of the two of them, nearly unrecognizable in their disguises, both fighting a grin.

Logan snorted. “Do I ever. I kissed you for the first time that night.”

Finn smirked. “I nearly lost my mind when you did that.” 

“So did I.” 

They fell silent again as Finn kept looking at the pictures and Logan moved further into the room. He wasn’t really looking for much, just skimming the labels on the boxes and things left out. But one gave him pause. It was smaller, labelled “Leo Trinkets” in Finn’s neat handwriting. Curious, Logan opened it. 

Inside were, in fact, trinkets. As Logan began sorting through them, he started to recognize them. A small rock he’d found on an op, the same color as Leo’s eyes. Cooking stickers he’d found on a bike ride, the ones Leo said were too precious to ever use. The rainbow mug he’d bought for pride month, Leo’s name in cursive on the side. 

He dug deeper and deeper into the box, a new memory surfacing with each item. Every small trinket or bobble he’d ever gotten for Leo, placed lovingly in this small box. Logan didn’t notice he was crying until his tears fell onto the novel he was holding, the first-edition copy of Leo’s favorite book he’d found for his birthday. 

“You okay?” Finn asked quietly, setting a hand on his shoulder.

Logan sobbed, “I can’t believe he kept all this. I can’t believe  _ you _ kept it.”

“Of course I kept it,” Finn sniffed. “We kept everything you ever gave us.” 

“Really?”

“Yes. Everything you gave me is in a box in my apartment. Some of it is still out. Like that funny little cactus you got me. I named it Sir Prick-a-Lot.“

Logan gave him a little smile. “Of course you named it something stupid.”

“Ah! Rude.” When Logan didn’t answer, Finn’s smile faded. He was still staring down at the book in his hands.“Do you wanna bring that stuff back with you?” he asked. Logan just nodded.

Carefully, they packed everything back up, adding a few other things to the box; a few pictures, some of his old clothes. A little while later, they shut the lights off, leaving everything else for another day. 

On the train ride home, Logan held his box close to his chest. Finn sat beside him, their shoulders and knees pressed together. They didn’t say anything.

Logan thought of all the things he’d wanted to say. But maybe not all of them needed to be said. He looked over at Finn, then down at the box in his arms. He didn’t want to forget, to move on. He missed them. And he knew he couldn’t get Leo back. But maybe he could get Finn back, even just as a friend. He was tired of being alone. 

“Finn?”

“Yeah.”

“I still love you, too.” 


End file.
